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Rehearsal Dinner Etiquette: A Complete Guide

The rehearsal dinner is a cherished tradition leading up to a wedding, a time for families to meet, the wedding party to bond, and the couple to express their gratitude. However, navigating the social customs surrounding this event can feel a little daunting. This guide will walk you through everything you need to know about rehearsal dinner etiquette, from guest lists and gift-giving to seating arrangements and thank-you notes.

Often, the rehearsal dinner feels less formal than the wedding itself, but it’s still an important event that deserves careful consideration. Understanding the proper etiquette ensures a smooth and enjoyable evening for everyone involved.

Who Pays for the Rehearsal Dinner?

Traditionally, the groom’s family covers the cost of the rehearsal dinner. However, modern wedding practices are flexible. It’s perfectly acceptable for the couple to pay for it themselves, or for the bride’s family to contribute or take on the full expense, especially if they are hosting the wedding. The key is open communication and agreement between all parties involved. If multiple families are contributing, it’s helpful to discuss the budget and arrangements beforehand to avoid any misunderstandings.

Creating the Guest List

The rehearsal dinner guest list isn’t a replica of the wedding guest list. It’s generally reserved for the immediate family of both the bride and groom, the wedding party (including their plus-ones), and the officiant. Close friends who have traveled a significant distance to attend the wedding may also be included, but this is at the discretion of the couple and their families. Keeping the guest list focused allows for a more intimate and relaxed atmosphere. It’s also a good idea to confirm attendance early to finalize arrangements with the venue.

Sending Invitations

Rehearsal dinner invitations should be sent out approximately 6-8 weeks before the wedding, alongside the wedding invitations. They can be more casual than wedding invitations, but should still include all essential details: date, time, location, dress code, and any special instructions. You can choose to send paper invitations, e-vites, or communicate the details via a wedding website. Clearly indicating that it’s an invitation to the rehearsal dinner is crucial. If you're looking for ways to manage wedding details, consider exploring wedding planning resources.

Gift-Giving Etiquette

Guests are not obligated to bring gifts to the rehearsal dinner. However, it’s becoming increasingly common for guests to present a small token of appreciation, such as a handwritten card, a bottle of wine, or a small gift for the couple. If a guest chooses to give a gift, it should be modest and heartfelt. The rehearsal dinner isn’t the time for extravagant presents; those are reserved for the wedding day. The couple should be prepared to acknowledge any gifts received with a sincere thank you.

Seating Arrangements

Thoughtful seating arrangements can enhance the flow of conversation and create a more enjoyable experience for everyone. Consider seating family members together and mixing wedding party members from both sides. Placing the officiant near the couple is also a nice gesture. Avoid seating people who may have strained relationships next to each other. A well-planned seating chart demonstrates consideration for your guests and helps foster a positive atmosphere.

What to Say During Toasts

Toasts are a highlight of the rehearsal dinner. The father of the groom traditionally gives a toast, as do the best man and maid of honor. Others, such as parents of the bride or close family friends, may also offer a few words. Toasts should be heartfelt, sincere, and relatively brief. Share a fond memory, offer words of wisdom, or express your well wishes for the couple’s future. Avoid embarrassing stories or inside jokes that others won’t understand. Keep the tone positive and celebratory.

Dress Code Considerations

The dress code for the rehearsal dinner is typically “smart casual.” This means guests should dress comfortably but presentably. For men, a collared shirt and slacks are appropriate; a jacket is optional. Women can wear a dress, skirt and top, or pantsuit. Avoid wearing anything overly formal, such as a tuxedo or ballgown, as this is not expected. The couple should communicate the dress code on the invitation to ensure everyone is on the same page.

Thank-You Notes

The couple should send thank-you notes to anyone who hosted or contributed to the rehearsal dinner, as well as to guests who brought gifts. These notes should be handwritten and sent within two weeks of the event. Express your gratitude for their generosity and thoughtfulness. A sincere thank-you note is a small gesture that goes a long way in showing your appreciation.

Handling Dietary Restrictions

When planning the rehearsal dinner, be sure to inquire about any dietary restrictions or allergies among your guests. Offer a variety of options to accommodate different needs, such as vegetarian, vegan, or gluten-free choices. Clearly labeling dishes can also be helpful. Being mindful of dietary needs demonstrates consideration for your guests and ensures everyone can enjoy the meal.

The Role of the Couple

While the rehearsal dinner is often hosted by family members, the couple plays an important role in ensuring it’s a success. Take the time to greet each guest personally, express your gratitude for their presence, and mingle with everyone. This is a wonderful opportunity to connect with loved ones in a more relaxed setting before the hustle and bustle of the wedding day. Remember, the rehearsal dinner is a celebration of your upcoming marriage and a chance to share your joy with those closest to you. If you're also considering a post-wedding brunch, you might find information about brunch ideas helpful.

Conclusion

Rehearsal dinner etiquette is about creating a warm and welcoming atmosphere for your loved ones. By following these guidelines, you can ensure a smooth, enjoyable, and memorable evening for everyone involved. Remember that flexibility and open communication are key, and don’t be afraid to personalize the event to reflect your style and preferences. Ultimately, the goal is to celebrate your upcoming marriage with the people who mean the most to you.

Frequently Asked Questions

• What if I forget to send rehearsal dinner invitations?

  Don't panic! A phone call or email is perfectly acceptable, especially if time is short. Prioritize informing those who are traveling from out of town. The most important thing is to ensure everyone knows the details of the dinner.

• Is it okay to have a themed rehearsal dinner?

  Absolutely! A themed rehearsal dinner can be a fun and creative way to personalize the event. Just be sure to communicate the theme clearly on the invitation so guests can dress accordingly.

• What should I do if a guest brings a plus-one who wasn’t invited?

  This can be tricky. If space allows, graciously include the plus-one. If not, politely explain that the guest list was limited and you weren’t able to accommodate additional guests.

• How long should the rehearsal dinner last?

  Typically, a rehearsal dinner lasts around 2-3 hours. This allows ample time for dinner, toasts, and mingling without feeling rushed. Keep in mind that guests may have early mornings the next day for wedding preparations.

• Can children attend the rehearsal dinner?

  It depends on the couple’s preference and the overall vibe of the event. If you want to keep it an adult-only affair, that’s perfectly acceptable. If children are invited, be sure to provide appropriate food options and activities.